First off, Dante will be eight weeks, two months, old next Monday. He had what I consider to be a laugh yesterday when we were sitting in the living room. Chad and I both looked at each other and couldn't help but laugh too. He was grinning and huffing at us so we'll call it his first laugh!
(<--- My Favourite so far)It makes me sad, really, to think that he's already nearly two months old. I had to throw out his size one diapers last week and cried. Yes, cried over it. I hate being so tired but I like him being so little. I like having someone who needs me and wants to be around me. I don't feel like that very often, especially lately. And when Chad deploys next year, he'll literally be all I have out here. No friends, no family. Single parent, practically. God, I have to not think about that right now. I can't.
We are flying to TN next Friday (his first plane ride!) and will be there til the 14th, that following Thursday to visit. It'll be much easier than trying to travel for Thanksgiving and we may just have our own little family Thanksgiving here, though lord forbid I try to cook much of anything. I just am not taking him to the airport around Thanksgiving witha ll those people. We'll be lucky enough to get him back home without being sick going this time as it is, much less trying to on a holiday. No way.
I haven't decided if we will dress him up for Halloween and take him around Trick or Treating or not. It seems kind of pointless, but I'd love some pictures of him in a costume, at the least. Maybe we'll just end up doing that... haha.
Speaking of pictures, we're planning to get some made shortly after we get back from TN. Hopefully, with Chad, myself, and Dante. :) I definitely want some while he's so little and done with Chad and myself. So, excited about that.
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Well, today was my 21st birthday. Most people go drinking, go to a club, hang out with friends, at the least have family dinner and such. I feel like my birthday never really arrived to begin with... My mom, dad, sister, a family friend, and Chad wished me happy birthday, along with a few guys that work with my Dad. None of my friends remembered. Not even the ones who spent it with me last year when Chad was at SOI and before I had moved. None.
And honestly, it makes me want to cry. Am I so forgettable? I suppose so... I know the main people who matter in my life remembered and that means more than I can ever say. I guess I'm just selfish enough to wish a few others did too. As pathetic as it is, instead of a birthday party, I'm having a pity party this year.
I remember one of my birthdays in middle school where absolutely nobody outside of my family wished me happy birthday. I came home to find flowers from my mom and dad in my room and just cried - alot. I didn't have alot of friends then. And I don't now, really. My mom always warned me that would happen. "You're lucky if you make it out of high school with one good friend." And right now.. I can't think of any, besides Chad, and I don't know if we're friends as much as spouses now. I have a few who would want to see me if I came home, maybe hang out, but none who would still be texting me a week later, just to see how I was. None who bother now.
Yeah, like I said, welcome to the birthday pity party.
:'(
I'm silly enough that it's made me shed a few tears tonight, writing this, and all I want to do is sit here and maybe cuddle my baby - except he's asleep right now and I should be too. He spent all day with me today, all of my birthday, and never complained. Never rolled his eyes or ignored me. He was just happy to be with me.
And .... I can't think of the last time someone outside of Dante, my family (mom, dad, sister), and sometimes Chad treated me that way.
For those of you with tender eyes, pardon me for a moment.
Happy fucking birthday.
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