So today is Thanksgiving. I'm very thankful but really, really sad.
Tonight, I have to tell them goodbye and watch them drive away, heading the hundreds of miles back home again by dawn.Today, I get to celebrate Dante's first Thanksgiving, put up our Christmas tree, take lots of pictures and pretend I'm not going to fall to pieces once they pull out of that driveway. Once the ones who have held me together too often the past weeks, months, have to return to their normal lives - and sadly, so do I.
What a shame, huh? That reality, to me, consists of mononous days, incredible loneliness and isolation, even disappointment, anger, regret. The past several days have been amazing and I wouldn't trade it, don't get me wrong, outside of some issues that popped up.
Monday at the Mall in Wilmington, though Dad had to drive back when Chad decided he was coming home and the house was locked. I wish he hadn't had to miss walking around with us, Dante so happy and talkative.
Tuesday at the aquarium at Fort Fisher and eating at Golden Corral. Moving Dante's crib into the bedroom [which he ended up dealing with wonderfully, by the way].
Yesterday at Target then getting my haircut while they got stuff I needed at the Dollar Store then Walmart. I wish I hadn't gotten the damn cut now... spent more time with them. Going with Mom and Taryn to bowling in Jax while Dad and Chad watched Dante and coming back earlier than I wanted - wish I had just gone to the new Harry Potter movie with them after all. Though Dad shouldn't have had to stay and help watch him at all.
Today, prepping Thanksgiving dinner, eating, setting up the Christmas tree. Taking alot of pictures. Trying hard not to cry.
I sound so melodramatic. I'm not the only wife to deal with these issues and who has to stay home to take care of the baby [which I wouldn't mind doing as much if it wasn't all day every single day without even 15 minutes for a shower]. I'm the one who said the vows, who got myself into the situation so it's my responsibility to suck it up and deal with it. And do all I can to keep it from affecting the child who never asked to be brought into this military life or this type of marriage between his parents. He never had the choice so I have to handle it for him to have as normal of a life as possible. If possible.
I always thought Grandma and Pa should just separate if they fought so much and were unhappy. Maybe it's not that simple. Especially not when you have 18 and younger...Definitely isn't that simple on this end.
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